


The Malta Incident

by hangoverhater



Series: The One With The Spies [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, BAMF Iwaizumi, BAMF Oikawa, Banter, Blood, Gen, M/M, Minor Violence, inappropriate workplace behaviour, it's Oikawa what did you expect, iwaizumi is not impressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 18:47:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5508842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangoverhater/pseuds/hangoverhater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi and Oikawa are given a job at Malta. It's also Oikawa's first field op. Things don't exactly go according to plan.</p>
<p>This takes place before 'Scenery Matters', but can be read separately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Malta Incident

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this almost right after finishing 'Scenery Matters', mainly because I started imagining what might've went down to make Iwa angry about the job. Soo... this happened. Enjoy!

“So let me make sure I got this right,” Iwaizumi said slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt a headache looming somewhere in the not-so-distant future. “You want us,” he waggled a finger between himself and his partner, “to fly all the way to Malta, find some file and steal it. From a drug lord. During said drug lord’s birthday party, to which you’ve managed to scrounge up invites?”

Daichi nodded. “Exactly. I don’t see the problem here?” He asked, leaning his elbows on his desk, crossing his fingers and resting his chin on top of them. 

Iwaizumi and his partner, Oikawa, sat in comfortable armchairs across the desk. The brown-haired man was almost buzzing with excitement, which Iwaizumi found both incredibly annoying and so, so typical of him.

“The problem is that what you’re suggesting requires us both to attend the party!” Iwaizumi exclaimed, setting his hands on his lap. “He hasn’t been properly trained for field ops!”

Oikawa scrunched his nose in irritation. “Iwa-chan,” he said calmly, “I think you’ll find I’m more than ready to be in the field with you. We’ve done, what? Dozens and dozens of operations together already?”

“Yeah, and you’ve been great, but this is different,” Iwaizumi explained. That damn nose scrunch was going to be the death of him one day. “You won’t be sitting in a van kilometres away. You’ll be where the bullets fly. If everything goes smoothly, which rarely happens, there won’t be any shooting, or fighting. I’m not risking it,” Iwaizumi leaned back, crossing his arms across his chest. 

“Are you perhaps forgetting that I’ve been training like crazy since I took this job?” Oikawa hissed. He wasn’t impressed with Iwaizumi’s over-protectiveness. Not at all. “I can handle it.”

Daichi cleared his throat before Iwaizumi could bark out a reply. “If he says he can handle it, he can. This is your mission, Iwaizumi, so deal with it. Here’s the dossier with the details,” he handed Iwaizumi a folder, “and go see Suga. He said he has to update your shots before you go. Your plane leaves at 8 pm tonight, so you have…” he trailed off, glancing at his watch, “9 hours to pack and get your shit sorted. Dismissed.”

Oikawa stood up, while Iwaizumi opened his mouth to keep arguing. Daichi was having none of that. He held a finger up. “Nope. I said ‘dismissed’. That means ‘end of discussion’, Iwaizumi. Get out of my office,” he pointed at the door, where Oikawa had already relocated to. 

Iwaizumi stood up, glaring at Daichi. He walked to the door, and turned to say something. “I—“

“No!” Daichi shook his head, waving his wrist dismissively. “Don’t wanna hear it.”

“Come on, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa grabbed his arm and pulled him to the hallway. 

“And go see Suga!” Daichi’s voice bellowed from behind the now closed door. 

“’And go see Suga’. What am I, a dog? Fuck that, my shots were updated a month ago,” Iwaizumi imitated him with a high-pitched voice. Sometimes he was just not above acting like a five-year-old. 

Oikawa snorted. “You don’t even sound like him when you do that.”

“That is not the point, and you know it,” Iwaizumi pointed at Oikawa as they headed towards their rooms to pack.

“Hey, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked, holding his arm in an affectionate choke hold. 

“Hmm?”

“Do you really think I’m not ready?” He looked at Iwaizumi, trusting him not to walk him into a wall or something. 

Iwaizumi sighed, running his free hand through his hair. “No,” he admitted. “I just don’t want to see you get shot.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Why are you always such a pessimist? For once, could you try and not think of the worst possible outcome first?”

Iwaizumi looked at him for a minute, frowning. “How do you comb your hair in the morning so the horns don’t show?”

**

“’I have a plan’, he says. ‘It’ll definitely work, Iwa-chan!’ he says,” Iwaizumi hissed to Oikawa as they sat in a damp basement. He was handcuffed into a radiator, while Oikawa was tied up to a chair. 

“I’m pretty sure I never said it’d definitely work, and your impersonations aren’t improving at all, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa hissed back. 

So, they’d gone to the party. They’d agreed that, since Oikawa was the more ‘eye-catching’ of the two, he’d serve as a distraction while Iwaizumi found the file. It had gone well, up until the point they’d been making their exit. 

They walked along the corridor towards the back door, when footsteps were heard from around the corner. Iwaizumi had tucked the file into his jacket, and they really couldn’t afford to get caught.

Oikawa looked around, and something flashed in his eyes. “Come on!” He grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand and pulled him into a room.

“What the hell?!” Iwaizumi growled, looking around. It was a small sitting room, with a fairly uncomfortable looking couch.

“Don’t worry, I have a plan!” Oikawa grinned, grabbing the file from Iwaizumi and shoving it beneath the couch before he yanked Iwaizumi over as well, making him stumble and fall onto it. 

“Is it a cunning one? What the hell are you think--!” Iwaizumi protested, but was muffled by a rather insistent kiss from Oikawa, who’d climbed on top of him in a flash. 

Ignoring Iwaizumi’s protests, Oikawa kept kissing him and began tugging at their clothes. 

Just as he managed to get Iwaizumi’s shirt untucked, the door opened. Oikawa sat up swiftly, looking surprised and slightly mortified.

As did the two men by the door. “Uh, this area is restricted…” One of them muttered, looking anywhere but the two of them. 

Iwaizumi had to admit, Oikawa was a pretty good actor. 

“Oh! I’m so sorry, we had no idea!” The brown-haired man gasped, hastily tucking in his shirt. “We just, had a little too much champagne, and, well…” he chuckled bashfully, covering his mouth. “You know how it is.”

“Uh-huh,” other man nodded. “Just get back to where the other guests are.”

“Of course!” Oikawa promised, making a boyscout-ish wave with his hand. “Can you give us a few minutes to make ourselves presentable again?”

“Sure,” the man said, closing the door. 

Oikawa stayed still for a moment before collapsing in giggles. “Oh my god, did you see their faces?” He giggled, leaning down and resting his head on Iwaizumi’s chest. Iwaizumi shook his head with a grin. “I have to admit, that was quick thinking.”

“Told you I had a plan,” Oikawa snickered, lifting his head. His mischievous grin shrank as he looked at Iwaizumi, silently evaluating.  
Iwaizumi frowned. “What?”

Oikawa seemed to make up his mind about something. Then he kissed Iwaizumi again, this time not as urgently as before. 

Iwaizumi blinked before shoving Oikawa upwards. “What the hell? We do not have time for this.”

Oikawa smiled predatorily. “Are you sure?” He asked, grabbing Iwaizumi’s wrists and shoving them down, holding them against the arm rest. “I think we have a few minutes to spare.”

Iwaizumi glared at him, wriggling under the taller man. “No, I’m pretty sure we don’t. Get off, we have to go.”

“Oh, I intend to get off, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispered, leaning down and giving Iwaizumi’s ear a teasing lick. It always made the older man shiver, as it did now. “I intend to get you off, too, don’t worry.”

He bit and licked his way down from Iwaizumi’s ear to his neck. “You’re so hot when you’re on mission mode, Hajime,” he breathed, keeping one hand on Iwaizumi’s wrists and using the other to slowly unbutton Iwaizumi’s shirt. “Especially when you’re in a suit. Makes me want to tear it off.”

Iwaizumi grit his teeth, tugging at his wrists. “Oikawa, I swear to god…” he growled, gasping when Oikawa’s wandering hand rested on the front of his pants. 

“I’d prefer you swear to me,” Oikawa grinned lecherously, rubbing Iwaizumi through his pants as he leaned in for a kiss. 

_“Find it! Search every room!”_

They froze, their lips so close to touching. “And now we run,” Oikawa said, jumping off of Iwaizumi and pulling him off the couch.

Iwaizumi grabbed the file from beneath the couch, glaring at Oikawa. “That was your plan?! All of it?!”

“Well, I’d hesitate to call it ‘cunning’,” Oikawa admitted, going to the door and cracking it open to see if anyone was in the corridor. 

“I’d hesitate to call it a ‘plan’,” Iwaizumi muttered, coming up next to Oikawa. “Looks like the coast is clear. Let’s go before they find us.”

They snuck out of the room and ran for the back door. Just as Iwaizumi reached for the door handle, they heard the distinct click of a gun. 

“I thought the thieves might try to run. Turn around.”

Iwaizumi gave Oikawa one last glare before they turned around slowly. Five men were pointing their guns at them, one of them being the drug lord himself.

“May I have my file back?” He asked, holding out a hand. 

Iwaizumi handed it to him begrudgingly. 

“Thank you. Might you introduce yourselves?” He asked politely, handing the file back to another man, who left with it.

“I’m afraid we can’t do that,” Iwaizumi replied. 

The man heaved a deep, theatrical sigh. “I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.” He gave someone a nod, and before Iwaizumi could determine what would happen next, he was knocked out by a swift blow to the head.

When he woke up, he found himself in their current situation. He was mildly pissed off. 

“At least I had a plan,” Oikawa muttered.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, glaring at Oikawa’s neck. “And it failed. Rather spectacularly.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Oikawa huffed, “everything I do is spectacular. It’s a curse.”

“If you two are quite done?”

Iwaizumi looked at the door, where the drug lord was standing, along with two other guys. 

“I’d like to ask you a few questions,” he said, stepping in with his ‘friends’.

“Don’t have any answers for you, sorry,” Oikawa shook his head, smiling faux-apologetically. 

“I wasn’t talking to you,” the drug lord smiled at him, walking past him to stand in front of Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi shrugged. “I don’t have any answers for you, either.”

“That’s too bad,” the drug lord turned on his heels, stepping back to stand by the wall. The two guys he’d brought with him closed the door and stepped in front of Oikawa. “I am going to ask you questions anyway.”

Iwaizumi tensed. He suddenly knew exactly what was about to happen. “You know what, I changed my mind,” he said, tugging at the cuffs on his wrists. “I think I have some answers for you.”

“That’s nice, but a little too late,” the drug lord shrugged, nodding to his men.

The first punch came as a surprise to Oikawa. The second one, not so much. He heard Iwaizumi struggle somewhere behind him. He licked his lip, tasting blood. He glared at the two men standing in front of him. “We’ve got nothing for you. We’re just guests. This is rude.”

The drug lord was watching Iwaizumi curiously. “Who hired you to steal the information?”

Iwaizumi was clenching his jaw, trying to get his wrists free. “No one,” he growled. “We’re here on a holiday.”

“Then why did you try to steal it?” 

The entire time the man was speaking, Oikawa was taking hits. Every grunt and quiet gasp he heard from the other made him angrier. “I thought it’d be fun. Spice things up, you know.”

“Who hired you?”

Oikawa was hit hard enough to make him fall over. Iwaizumi bit his tongue so he wouldn’t yell or scream when his partner’s head hit the floor with a thud. 

“No one!” He yelled, nearly getting his hands free. The cuffs were beginning to dig into his skin, and the blood from the cuts was making the cuffs more slippery. 

One of the guys grabbed the chair and pulled Oikawa back upright while the other stepped up to Iwaizumi and kicked him in the ribs. Iwaizumi grunted, glaring at the man and the blood on his knuckles. Oikawa’s blood. 

The drug lord sighed in distaste, stepping to the door. “I was hoping you would be reasonable. Apparently not. Kill them,” he said to the two others, then left the room. 

The two men glanced at each other, both smirking. “Heard that? Don’t think it’ll be quick,” the one closest to Iwaizumi sneered, leaning down towards him. “I think we’ll have some fun with your little friend, here,” he smirked. 

Iwaizumi was 150% done with these guys. He’d been at 99% when they were beating up Oikawa, but now… Oh, it was not going to be pretty.

“You think so?” He growled, tilting his head. “I didn’t hear that. Care to whisper it in my ear?” He narrowed his eyes, keeping his body tense. 

The guy was as cocky as he’d suspected. He leaned all the way in. Before he could say anything, though, Iwaizumi struck. He bit at the man’s ear and wrapped his legs around him so he couldn’t get away. 

The man’s screams and struggling alerted his friend. He ran in, grabbing the man and tried to pull him off, but Iwaizumi tightened his legs. Iwaizumi only released the guy when he finally managed to pull his hands free from the cuffs. 

Oikawa saw the two men stumble back, one of them screaming and holding a hand over his ear. Blood was seeping through his fingers. 

Iwaizumi stood up, spitting a piece of the guy’s ear to the floor. He stepped over to the men, delivering a swift kick to the bleeding man’s already damaged head. 

The uninjured one stumbled to his feet, raising his fists. “You fucking bastard,” he growled at Iwaizumi before charging at him. 

Iwaizumi grabbed the man by his waist and used the man’s own movement against him, sending him flying over his shoulder. He whirled around and roundhouse-kicked the man just as he was getting to his feet, making his head crack against the wall. He fell to the floor, unconscious. 

Iwaizumi turned his attention back to the guy whose ear he’d bitten off. “You said you wanted to have some ‘fun’, huh?” He walked closer, inherently pleased by how the man was crawling away from him. 

He stopped the man by stepping on his crotch. The man howled, trying to curl up. “Not having fun anymore, are you?” He asked, then grabbed the man’s head and kneed him in the face. 

Two out of two. Iwaizumi was slightly proud of himself. He searched the men for guns, finding one (one gun between the two of them? Pathetic) and tucking it into his waistband.  
He let the guy drop to the floor as he turned to look at Oikawa.

Oikawa was watching him cautiously. Iwaizumi felt his heart break a bit. He wiped the blood from his mouth to his sleeve, trying not to smear the blood on his hands all over his face. He kneeled on the floor and started to untie him. “Are you okay?”

Oikawa nodded quietly, sniffing. His face was bloody, his cheek already swelling up. Iwaizumi finished untying him and helped him up. “I’m sorry they hurt you. Let’s get out of here.”

Oikawa stopped him at the door. “We need to get that file, Iwa-chan,” he said calmly. 

Iwaizumi frowned. “We’re compromised. We can go home now,” he offered. 

“No. We’re getting that file, because we’re not giving up because of a couple of lame punches,” Oikawa said, his tone leaving no room for arguments.

Iwaizumi took in his tone and the fierce determination on his face. “I’ve never been more attracted to you than I am right now,” he deadpanned, opening the door a bit to peek outside.

Oikawa pushed the door shut. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. “What now?”

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve said to me since we met,” Oikawa snickered, shoving Iwaizumi against the door and giving him a desperate kiss. Iwaizumi kissed him back enthusiastically, even going as far as giving Oikawa’s ass a light squeeze before pushing the taller man away. “Nope, this is what got us into this mess to start with. Come on, we’re getting that file and then get the fuck out of here.”

They tied up the two unconscious men before sneaking out of the room. 

They encountered minimal resistance. Iwaizumi had handed the gun over to Oikawa, who used it to threaten people into submission while Iwaizumi subdued the braver ones. As their target was currently enjoying his party, the two had almost free reign of the rest of the house. 

Iwaizumi kept watch with the gun while Oikawa retrieved the file from the target’s office. The brown-haired man waved it around victoriously. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and walked over, tucking the file into his jacket again. 

“I don’t think we can use the door,” he said, looking out the window towards the garden. “Think we can climb down?”

Oikawa sighed. “What is it with you and not using doors?” He shook his head while Iwaizumi opened a window closest to a drain pipe. 

Iwaizumi shrugged. “This is much more fun,” he grinned, gesturing towards the window. Oikawa stepped up to him, shaking his head.

“How did you two manage to get out of my basement alive?”

The two spies looked at each other before turning around. Iwaizumi let out a long-suffering groan. “Are you kidding me?!”

There he was again, their target. With a shotgun. And another two henchmen.

“You’re persistent, I’ll give you that,” the man said, walking closer to them. 

Oikawa grabbed Iwaizumi’s arm, nudging him towards the still-open window. Iwaizumi acknowledged Oikawa’s wordless suggestion with a tiny nod. 

“It seems I’ll have to kill you myself to be done with this,” the drug lord sighed, aiming his shotgun at them. “Do you have a preference on which of you goes first?”

Iwaizumi, having hid the gun he’d taken from the two unfortunate idiots downstairs behind his back, felt Oikawa slowly extract it from him. “You should probably put a silencer on that thing, if you don’t want your guests to hear you shooting people,” he commented, stepping in front of Oikawa smoothly. 

The drug lord stepped closer, shrugging. “Everyone here knows what I do. They are used to hearing such things.”

Iwaizumi quirked an eyebrow and nodded. “Alright then. If you say so.”

Several things happened at once. Oikawa aimed the gun at the first of the two henchmen and shot him from behind Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi kicked the shotgun out of the drug lord’s hands, catching it as Oikawa shot the other henchman. 

They then pointed their weapons at the drug lord. 

“Nice work, sweetheart,” Iwaizumi smirked, nudging Oikawa’s side. 

“You too, honey,” Oikawa replied, slipping his hand into Iwaizumi’s back pocket.

The drug lord stared at them, his face drained of all colour. “Please, don’t kill me,” he raised his hands slowly.

Oikawa glanced at Iwaizumi questioningly. The black-haired man returned the look with a shrug. “Our only job was to get the file. Then again, you hurt my partner…” he trailed off.

He made his decision, and promptly knocked the drug lord out by hitting him in the head with the shotgun. He wasn’t too gentle with it, either. If there was a fracture in his skull now, it was most definitely not Iwaizumi’s problem.

Oikawa gave his ass a light squeeze. Iwaizumi glared at him. “Really?”

Oikawa raised his hands up in surrender. “I can’t resist! It my second-favourite of your body parts.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Whatever, we’re leaving.” He wasn't going to even ask.

**

Surprisingly enough, the rest of their escape went off without a hitch. They headed out of town, and took a room at a motel near the airport. During the ride to the motel, Iwaizumi contacted Daichi and confirmed their success with minor disruptions. They agreed that they’d take the first flight to Rome, and back to the States from there.

Once Iwaizumi checked their room and deemed it safe enough, they both practically fell on the bed, exhausted. It was almost two in the morning.

Iwaizumi groaned. “We should get cleaned up, if we’re going to fly out of here tomorrow,” he said eventually, glancing at Oikawa. “And get some ice on your cheek.”

Oikawa shook his head with a tired yawn. “I’m tired, can’t it wait?” 

“No, it really can’t,” Iwaizumi sighed. He got up and went to the bathroom, and returned with a wet towel and an ice pack he’d brought in from the car. He sat on the bed next to Oikawa, and began gently dabbing the blood off his face. 

After cleaning Oikawa, he set the ice pack on his swollen cheek. He smirked at the little hiss the other made. “Don’t be a baby.”

“I’m not,” Oikawa whined, glaring at Iwaizumi before sitting up while he held the ice pack on his cheek. He pointed at Iwaizumi’s bloody wrists. “I’m assuming you brought the med kit in?”

Iwaizumi nodded, dabbing the towel at the blood gingerly. 

Oikawa grabbed the med kit from the floor, taking out disinfectant, a roll of gauze and a pair of scissors. They sat in silence as he cleaned the cuts on Iwaizumi’s wrists and wrapped them up neatly. 

Once that was done, they lied on the bed, facing each other. Oikawa’s hand was on Iwaizumi’s cheek, while Iwaizumi’s arm was slung over Oikawa’s waist. 

“I should set the alarm. Our flight’s at eight,” Iwaizumi mumbled, lifting his arm from Oikawa’s waist, only for the man to grab it and put it back down where it was.

“No, we’ll wake up, it’s fine. Don’t move, this is so comfortable,” Oikawa sighed, swinging a leg over Iwaizumi’s thighs and shifting closer. 

Iwaizumi shook his head against the pillow, blowing Oikawa’s hair off his face. “No, we’ll just miss the flight and Daichi’ll get that look on his face again. Alarm it is,” he groaned, reaching over Oikawa to grab the phone from the nightstand. He set the alarm for six, then settled back down. 

He tried to not ask. He was sure he knew the answer. He really tried.

"Just out of curiosity--"

"Your arms."

He did not see that coming. Sighing tiredly, he pulled Oikawa closer and dropped a kiss on his hair. "Go to sleep, idiot."

Oikawa's happy little sigh and subsequent snuggling closer made him smile like a dork before he inevitably fell asleep.

The next morning, he woke up to Oikawa’s mouth on his nether regions. Considering some of the things he’d woken up to, it was certainly more pleasant than, say, a rattlesnake next to him. Definitely in the top five.

After returning the favour (twice), it occurred to him to see what time it was. 

It was ten minutes past eight. He was not impressed.

They missed the next flight out, as well.

When they were finally sitting on a plane to the States, after having nearly missed this flight as well (“No, Trashykawa, you do NOT need to find a fucking plush alien for yourself!” “But look at how cute he is, Iwa-chan!” “You have enough!”), Oikawa was hugging the alien plush toy to his chest happily while Iwaizumi was glaring out of the window. 

“For the record, we are never bringing this trainwreck of a job up ever again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Aaand here we have it! Thanks for reading, hope you liked it! (Comments and/or kudos would be much appreciated ;) )


End file.
